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| Actual pic of my stoop the next day |
Dateline: a few days ago. I'm on a few bicycling forums. One of them helps bicycle tourists by letting them crash in your house, gratis. Basically, a free AirBnB for road touring bicyclists. I live in a region that's on a popular USA coast to coast trail. Ergo when I moved here I decided to become a host. I'm a nice fella, no? Plus a spare room, spare crapper, why not?
The first year, only 2 visits. One was a deeply religious (gak) married couple biking east to west. I fed & watered them, they were so grateful as they had emailed me just a ffew hours earlier in a mild panic. Poor planning, something else fell through, who knows. Nice folks though; easy to host them for sure. I have a kitchen island where they sat whilst I dished them up my bachelor stew. The next day I observed this magnet on the icebox. Wondered if they saw it? Was just a few feet in front of them. Oh well.
The other that 1st year was a groovy NYC guy, musician, I still follow on the gram. In fact he was traveling with a drone that was taking amazing aerial footage in places of dazzling scenery. I played Antibalas for him so he could get a music fix. He was clapping in glee! This is him actually. Rode 10 miles out to greet him & guide him in, Charles. Such a groovy guy. It was during heinous smoke from the fires then, ergo nasty sky.
The 2nd year (last year) I had 3 visits: oddly all in a 10-day window. All solo travelers. All riding east coast to west. The 1st was a woman in her 50s from Amsterdam. Her 1st ever trip to USA(!). Flew into Virginia with her heavy Dutch bike and was now at my place a month or more later, near the west coast. Think of the bravery! The other was a groovy laid back friendly Czech guy. The other was a guy with a small trailer for his guitar. All fine visits. Polite, respectful folks.
Zero visits this entire year. It's now October ergo have been considering toggling my availability status to off until the Spring. And then...
Today is Thursday. On Monday eve got his email request. Guy biking around country with his cat. I thought, well that's cool. Weird? Mebbe. Def unique. How even possible? I agreed to host. He says he's in neighboring town 20 miles away, will leave there in the morn. All my prior visitors arrived in eve, makes hosting easier, no? They're not in my house all day. But I said ok. He sent me his #, I replied to it. Said he'd sms when he left in the morn, which he did, at 9am. Stop me when this gets too exciting.
He sent me a google maps live track link so I could follow his 20 miles of progress. Which took, wait for it like I did: 3 hours. It was like he was walking. At one point he sms something like 'taking it easy, going slow' or something. I would refresh the screen every 30 minutes and thought either he's walking or had a mechanical issue. The dot barely moved. It was over 3 hours when he arrived at my house. Keep in mind I have to stay home to let him in. Here's what arrived, look closely:
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| Actual pic. Look closely. |
He wheeled that bike into that spare room then started walking into the house. I stopped him saying: I have one house rule, no shoes in the house. He said sure no problem, walked back to the front door, doffed his shoes. Save this for later.
I had set up spare litter box & water bowl. He showered then ran a big load of laundry. Shared leftover bachelor stew. He set up my bike stand in front yard, connected hose, washed his bike. All this took a couple of hours. He was going in & out of the house often. No shoes, just socks. Socks that quickly got dirty. I should have said something then but for some reason didn't. My no shoes in house policy is really a don't dirty the floors policy. I dig clean floors. Tracking outside dirt into your house has pollutants, germs, whatever. Easy to search & read about it. Let's focus.
He was keen to go to grocery store, I said sure np, I can drive us. So I did, to the nearby Fred Meyer store. He said may take him awhile. I was confused. You're on a bike, there's zero room for more stuff, what would take awhile? But I pointed out the starbucks in there & said ok I'll wait there come get me. So I did some shopping meself and read the mag I had brought inside.
After 45 minutes I thought wtf & went looking for him.
See him up ahead, shuffling slowly, not in an aisle, just walking, pushing a big cart. Go up to him, say hey man. Look at his cart.
There are maybe 7 items in it.
A couple bottles of Gatorade. Bottle of water. A plastic container of shrimp. A couple condiment bottles. A pair of tennis shoes.
That's it. That's what's in his cart. After 45 minutes.
I say 'you've been here 45 minutes and this is what you've acquired? Yeah we're leaving. I'm not spending the day here.' He says, and I quote: 'can I have just 15 more minutes? I've been looking for the produce section.'
I say 'the produce section. You're looking for the produce section? It's this way.' And start walking there. If you've been to a Fred Meyer, or actually, any grocery store in America, the produce department isn't hiding in the basement. It's quite visible. This store trip is when I realized, yeah, something is off here. I walk him to the produce department, gigantic in size btw, where he selects a bagged salad. Said he's gonna make a shrimp salad. Ok then. We pay separately & split. On the short drive back, I ask him about his route. He said actually he used to work at a Fred Meyer but got fired a couple years ago (and you don't know where the produce department is?). Since then, he's just been biking around the country, wherever. With the cat of course. I started thinking hmm, you're not really a bike tourist. Travelling via bike yes. But you're really just a homeless dude stopping at houses like mind to do laundry and get a bed. Oh well. No crime. But not what this hosting service is meant for.
So we drive back, he puts stuff in icebox, goes into room. I flip on telly. He comes out of room in shorts. nothing else. Well, socks. He's standing there shirtless talking to me about random stuff.
I say: are all your shirts wet from laundry (even though we just returned from store)? He says, and I quote, 'I just like being free man.' I say 'put on a shirt man. It's weird.' And he does.
It's getting darker by now, after 6pm. My phone keeps dinging. It does that when there's someone at door, a google nest camera. Keeps dinging, every 5-10 minutes for over an hour. Finally I say 'why do you keep going outside? My phone keeps dinging.' He says 'looking at the sunset.' (I now realize he was smoking weed).
I say: yeah it's a nice view. So gotta tell ya something. You keep walking in and out of the house, wearing socks. I told you when I arrived I have 1 house rule: no shoes. Technically by that I mean: don't bring dirt into the house. When we returned from grocery shopping you got out of the car, took off your shoes, walked across the dirty garage floor in your socks straight into the house. Dude. Put on your shoes outside the house, take them off inside the house. Pretty basic.
I hear myself talking. It's like what I'd say to a 5 year old. His reply, and I quote:
I'm feeling vulnerable & scared right now.
I'm thinking, oh shit. He's a nutter. Possibly unstable. What. The. Fuck.
He starts offering to clean the floors. Sweep & mop. I hold up my hand and say oh no, don't touch anything. I'll clean on the morrow. He says no really I can clean. I say no don't touch anything you'll just irritate me more. He says once again I'm feeling scared. I say look man I'm not yelling, I'm not raising my voice, but I had one house rule you've been violating every since you got here.
He turns and goes into his room. Well, my spare room. For about 15 minutes. I'm watching telly. I can see front door from where I am. He wheels his bike out. Opens front door. Rolls bike outside. Closes front door. Without speaking a word. I'm watching this. It's completely dark outside by now. I wait a minute, baffled. Put on my shoes, walk outside. See his blinking tailight far down the road.
2 thoughts: A) where are you going? ...then: not my problem B) relief.
Later I get peckish, open the icebox. Inside? 2 bottles of gatorade, bottled water, bag of lettuce, container of shrimp. On counter balsamic vinegar & cocktail sauce.
I make myself a nice shrimp salad. What would you do? Toss it?
There's 4 bags of ramen in his room. Guess they didn't fit.
So now one remaining issue: on the website is a feedback forum. For guests & hosts. Debating whether to offer up this feedback:
If you want a homeless guy to drink beer, smoke weed & walk around your house shirtless, he's a great guest.
What do you think? Should I share that feedback with other potential hosts like me? Or just let it go.