Dateline: last month. One of my childhood buddies has over the years headed to the dark side. Power drinking mixed with anger is the short version. Add a sprinkle of delusion into the cocktail for the full devil's brew. He earned mention in my earlier blurb titled 'dudes breaking up with dudes' detailing the toxic ex-friends I've excised from my life. I recommend to you my loyal readers an annual review & purge by. Life is too short to spend time & calories on anyone toxic in your circle. Let's focus.
The last time I've spoken to him was 5 years ago. The very last time we interacted wasn't verbal; it was over email, long since deleted. I do however recall the last speaking event. Let's call him Darrin. He works for the parks dept or forest service counting bugs or something outdoorsy in a tent back in the midwest. Or did years ago, who knows now, or cares. So, 5 years ago we met at our mutual friend's house, backyard fire pit, just sitting around jawing. Those two are hitting the sauce as usual. I'm not, being several years sober. So just sitting around chit chatting and Darrin being Darrin, out of the blue, starts berating me. Loudly. Guess his whisky intake hit the tipping point. Topic? His wife. Someone I barely know, & the only time I've ever seen her is with him. But his melon is infected with the idea that she & I have some kind of relationship on the side. Why? No idea. Makes zero sense. The only time I've ever spoken to her 1 on 1 was on the blower, 10 years ago. She called my crying & distraught over his behavior, specifically him frequently visiting strip clubs. Nothing I could do about that. Maybe I told her to get help, or talk to closer friends, whatnot. Don't recall, didn't talk long. I do recall thinking a) what a loser he is & b) she deserves better. But I never mentioned that call to him. I'm guessing she did but who knows.
Anyhoots. 5 years ago he had the outburst based on his hallucination. In the backyard and over email shortly after. Berating me for a non-existent relationship with the missus. I had it at that point. As you'll see in the following recent email exchange, according to him I told him to fuck off. Good for me, actually. I don't recall saying that or writing it but if it did happen, he earned it.
So last month, I reached out to all of the dudes on my 'break up list.' Why? Curiosity, mainly. See how they're doing from a mental health perspective. Received 3 replies, two from normal people and we've resumed our friendships. All good there. Glad I reached out. Maybe sometimes I just need a break from their toxicity as opposed to permanent break? Let's focus.
Then there's Darrin. For the 1st time on my here blog I'm going to paste an email exchange, removing my & his personal info. I'm not pasting all of it because he sent a flurry of emails, some only 1 sentence, coming in 5 minutes apart, over & over. I'll just grab a sampler platter. Was he drinking & typing? I'm guessing yes but who knows. Don't care. The interesting aspect here though is, wait for it, it's in writing.
Here's one of the emails (they're all brief). Given that I'm an actual sober person, just hit 9 years actually; and he's still a drunk (apparently) it's an odd one. My initial thought here was: you need to buy a better dictionary:
On Thu, Oct 26, 2023 at 12:57 PM wrote:
Wow! I am sorry you have not found a way to be sober. Sobriety is not about drinking or doing drugs, or wherever the hell you are. It is about being honest to yourself and others
To reiterate, sobriety is being honest to those you care about.
You hurt me more than I did. So come clean.
Curious about the 'hurt' declaration. Mainly to see what he would say as it would be a window into his mental health. So I replied to him repeatedly what it is that 'hurt' him. Just give me one example. Anything. He never answered directly. Over and over I received emails like this, every few minutes, him never once giving a single example of my behavior, good or bad:
You addressed nothing. You remain manipulative and elusive. Therefore, you remain out of my life until you can prove otherwise.
And then this a few minutes later:
Not a joke. See all my previous responses. You have few chances to redeem given your past manipulation.
Well, you define it and I will hear it. Within reason
Manipulation? What manipulation? Me being polite & pleasant to him, consistently, over the years? So on and on they piled up. I stopped replying but he kept emailing me. I thought they had stopped when one of them made a comical (or sad?) formal declaration:
My name,
Please do not contact Darrin or (his wife) without the express permission of Darrin and (his wife). Dated October 26th.
For that one I was grateful actually. My interest in contacting him was waning you might gather.
But of course, a few more arrived, just single sentences. Verbatim examples:
FUCK YOU. You are a jerk. You are poison.
And so on. Eventually they stopped. And that was that. I knew he was in shaky mental health even years ago, but still functional, employed, etc. However, after this volley, after me reaching out politely 5 years on and he being instantly triggered makes me worried about other people in his life he's actually interacting with. Are they safe around him? Moreover, his 'definition' of sobriety...is so ignorant it's bad satire. Who would believe that 'honesty' is the equivalent of being sober? Try running that by an AA meeting. Let me know how that goes.
One of the symptoms of mental health issues is an unshakeable belief that you're right as rain & most others just don't get the big picture. I'm right you're wrong kind of thing. You've seen it, we've all seen that during our travels.
For the record I left out a bunch of other shite in his emails, as well as personal observations over time. I get no kicks from punching down on people having mental health issues. Ergo, for this blurb, I stuck to the facts, which he helpfully supplied to me in writing.
Get well, Darrin. Get help.
Bonus written freakout!
Until! At the beginning of this year I received what appeared to be a W2 / tax form in my mail addressed to her. She had moved out of state over a year ago. So because I'm a decent human I put the tax form, unopened of course, in a priority mail envelope and sent to her. Priority mail because it was tax season coming up ergo wanted her to have it asap. Nice, no? I put her email address in the usps tracking info notification area so she would get a heads up that a priority mail was coming from my town, ergo from me.
Here is our written exchange, verbatim. She forwarded the usps notification to me with this commentary. So much for being a decent human being:
There is absolutely nothing I want or need from you. I suggest, whatever it is, you not waste your time sending it and just put it in the fucking trash and move on with your fucking life. And leave me the fuck alone. Got it?
I will refuse delivery anyway.
My reply:
It's a tax form or w2 or similar. It's not a personal letter. I wrote a short note in the comment box saying it looks like a tax thing. You want to toss it, go ahead.
And her reply to that:
Oopsy. Thanks.
So there you have it loyal readers. Another glimpse of hostile freakishness I encounter in my life, just doing my thing.
Who's jelly?