Dateline: 2023. Today is New Year's Eve 2023. I'm keen 2023 is drawing nigh. The year started nicely with a (cold!) 70-mile bike ride in the wine country south of Portland, Oregon. Fortunately, I dressed properly for it. Drove with Norm, 6 hours each way. He picked me up and drove each way, I kept offering to help drive but he declined. We drove over a pass on the way, through a slushy blizzard. Glad we had his fancy SUV with all wheel drive.
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| Halfway point, 30 degrees F -- |
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| At the start, 27 degrees F -- |
I rode the 70 miles mostly solo. Took my slow bike as knew I would. The others rode 125 miles that day, gak. I used to rub out those big miles with nary a care, but no more. I waited for Norm in a Mod Pizza a few hours, glad they had Wi-Fi & unlimited iced tea as I chugged a gallon I reckon. Stayed in this crappy motel he booked the night, separate rooms at least. And his heater didn't work. Overnight temps in the teens, he had a bad night. Stop me when this gets too exciting.
I gave blood only once in 2022, in February. Usually, it's at least 2x but last year didn't feel like it so much. You'll see the possible reason soon.
Another positive start to the year was meeting Larissa. Military officer on the fast track before migraines & anxiety derailed her career back to civilian life. She is half Chinese (which half? I'll never tell), covered in tattoos, quiet & private & serious. Utterly humorless. However, plenty cute with a body honed from a Pilates obsession. At least I had a ladyfriend who was smartish & someone to hang with. But after 6 months she said the following, out of the blue, and I quote 'I've not been in a relationship for 10 years & decided I don't want to be in one.'
Ok, well; thanks for the 6 months I reckon. And thanks for joining me for the 1st of 3 visits back to my homeland, the midwest USA for a few days. Met me mum and aunt & uncle and was a good trip overall. Just 10 days after my back surgery.
But seriously, thanks for looking after me during a few eye surgeries & a back surgery. All out of the blue. A detached retina in April from out of nowhere, requiring multiple surgeries throughout 2023 (& another scheduled in January '24). Then in May I'm suddenly limping with nasty back pain & sciatica. A herniated disc out of nowhere. Had to wait 2 weeks for surgery, much of it in near agony. Could barely sleep. Had to tuck up in fetal position to try to sleep. Used my kneeling chair which has wheels to scoot around the house. Vicodin & a steroid did fuckall so they switched me to Oxy & a muscle relaxer which did the trick during my long wait for surgery. Larissa took the days off work to sit in the lobby & be my (mandatory) driver for at least 2 surgeries. And put special drops in my eye post-surgery, which she said looked heinous.
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| In between surgeries |
So the 1st half of the year started promising with her, then got worse, at least re my parts wearing out. But at least I had her. And then I didn't.
The eye surgeries kept a coming. 5 in total this year. Had to hire a special approved medical taxi for the rest of the surgeries. $125 to drive me to & fro 2 miles away. But, mandatory. They won't operate without either a driver who sits in the lobby or an approved med taxi. Stop me when this gets too exciting.
Oh and: I still can't see much out of that affected eye. Night driving is heinous. Headlights are brutally bright. I'm in the wave of scar tissue removal surgeries now, from the retina team & the separate cataract team (yup they installed a cataract lens). 2 different teams working to restore my sight in that eye. Not going well but the January surgery to remove the scare tissue layer is supposed to be the final touch. I know you're on the edge of your seat with updates.
Oh and for my non-American readers, my health insurance deductible is $9,000 USD. That means I pay that much first before the insurance begins. Jealous? Fortunately for me I can afford it although I'm not happy about it. But for normal people who haven't invested in bitcoin & dividends strategies like I have? That would be a huge hit to the annual budget. $9k is a lot of money! Oh and the price just to have my health insurance? $700 a month. No matter what. $700 a month, separate from the deductible.
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| the art critic |
Billie my adopted / rescue cat from 2022 continues to relax in her new house. She's high strung & nervous but living with me where she has the run of the place calmed her down. We invented several new games. Mostly involving hide & seek with my hands which she tries to shred into coleslaw.
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| the rough life |
Met a handful of wimminfolk via dating app that was largely pointless. Or at least not fruitful. Met a Basque woman with 5 kids, sure didn't look like it but she showed me pics. Funny & cute & not interested. Met a few so boring it was almost amusing. One I met we went to the Paranormal Cirque, now that was a crazy show. Go see it if in your town. Held under a giant 'big tent'. Truly twisted live show.
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Oh, here's a funny tale of a bird I met. A ceramics artist we'll call Annie. She's a talented artist. Teaches ceramics classes online. Anyhoots we matched online and she quickly sent me her Instagram of her work. Impressive stuff. Turns out there was an art fair in the neighboring town an upcoming weekend, takes over the entire downtown. Live bands, quite the gala. So she's displaying her wares for sale in a booth with dozens of other artists. She said come on down and we can meet. So I did. We had a nice chat. I looked at her work and dug a couple oversized mugs so much I bought them. $75 each. So she takes my 3 $50 bills, put them in her cash box and says 'I just use the dating app to drive sales.' Figured she was kidding. I smiled & laughed a bit as in 'yeah good one.' So we chat a bit more, agree to meet again. By the time I returned to my car she had unmatched me. Turns out, she wasn't kidding.
I take a pic of the items, which I do enjoy & use, and post them to my IG, tagging her. Repeat this story of her hustling online suitors. She chimes in 2 hours later with a sarcastic comment & blocks me. Interesting sales model. Reckon she doesn't dig being busted for it.
I joined a local yoga studio in September. Oh so glad. Wish I had sooner but I did it. Not crowded. Not even that strenuous. Well, depending on the class. But turns out stretching, twisting & body weight exercises are fantastic for ya. Don't believe me? Most studios have a cheap 30 day trial for new students. Give it a try.
A few friendly dates with a massage therapist. She is as groovy as can be. Alas, in the most gawdawful baby daddy / custody / child support situation. She chose to have a baby at age 40(!?) knowing full well this guy's abusive behavior. She consciously selected a stunningly bad breeding partner she'll be linked to for life. Loves her kid though. Hope pop's genetics doesn't mess him up permanently.
I joined a local yoga studio in September. Oh so glad. Wish I had sooner but I did it. Not crowded. Not even that strenuous. Well, depending on the class. But turns out stretching, twisting & body weight exercises are fantastic for ya. Don't believe me? Most studios have a cheap 30 day trial for new students. Give it a try.
Speaking of baffling life choices...
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| my fave mtn bike route |
2023 brought stark contrast to the difference in life paths several of my friends have taken, or chosen, or passively fell onto. I'm what could politely be called 'middle age.' Ergo all but one are friends & acquaintances around my age. For whatever reason, 2023 was the year I viewed numerous friends, current & former, slide closer to the abyss. Two were financially ruined by divorces (one male one female). A few others weren't financially ruined; they just stayed poor from a combo of staying on the paycheck treadmill & trusting financial advisors (mutual funds? gak). One is drinking himself into an early grave. Others are just marking time, not doing much of anything. Few hobbies, few friends. Avoiding proactive measures to launch a physical fitness routine. How do I know? Because I tell them I just started yoga in Q4 and if I can do it they shirley can also. Or at least go for long walks. Something.
Having fat stacks of cheddar in the bank account is indeed sparkling. But being able to walk up stairs without wheezing? That's an easy win anyone can accomplish as long as they start yesterday and understand its importance. Heck, last month I started floor sitting, which I happened to randomly read about. I even started doing frog pose last month, which for a bloke is no picnic. Try it, carefully!
Conversely, my friends who have their life together? Stark contrast. Physical health. Financial health. Enjoying life. Hobbies. Friends. Activities. Still working, most of them, but the work/life balance they figured out along the way. And they're relaxed. Not stressed. Content. The one not my age? He's in his 30s and one of the brightest most articulate I've ever met. He does many things: fancy tech stuff, community activist, writer, runner, health advocate with grad degree. Met him via college alma mater 10 years ago & hit it off. Even started 2 businesses back then I'll write about later.
How sad to be around my age & still in the rat race. Worrying about groceries, or the mortgage, or rent. Puke. Y'all had a lifetime of paychecks, & still on the treadmill, going...where? What's the exit strategy? Social Security? Good luck with that. Had multiple kids? Apparently, the fact that kids are expensive, both in money and time, was a mystery to y'all.
Let's focus. One noteworthy episode occurred last month. I read a couple articles of mine at an open mic spoken word event. Did it a few months ago also without incident. However! Not this time. About 12 in the audience. They're mostly (much older) folks who are in a creative writing library program. All of their stories are painfully boring. Not most of them. All of them. I zone out after 10 seconds. They're talking about gardening, or a made-up short story that goes nowhere. Anyhoots, I read my Chicago train experience. Shake that place up. Most seemed to dig it (they're 10 ft away facing me, I can see their reactions).
However, after I sat down, a woman, pushing 70 years old, comes up to the microphone and starts talking about how she doesn't want to cause controversy but just has to speak up. About people's different perspectives. And some other rambling. Didn't even realize she was talking about me. Or at least that story. Until she declares: 'I found that story offensive.'
I'm not gonna let that go, so me, 15 feet away said loudly 'what's offensive about it?' and she replies, for real 'every single word.' I reply 'how so' and we start a back and forth about how perspective influences writing (no shit lady). I'm not budging an inch. Everything she says I dispute or ask for specifics. She can't give any. She just found that story 'offensive.' Boo fucking hoo.
Then the emcee goes up to the mic and repeats the one rule at this open microphone: respect the writers. NOT: respect the audience. The audience at an open microphone is there to be supportive. Not the other way around. So after she says that someone in front row turns around, looks at me and declares 'well I liked it!' And someone else chimes in 'me too.' Thanks folks, I did dig that.
I stay for another couple of yawn fest stories then pack up & walk out. I'm walking down the stairs and hear 'Francis! Francis!' Turn around and it's the emcee. She's in her 20s I reckon. We chat for a few minutes. She tells me privately out on the steps that she digs my stories and hopes I return for future events (they're monthly). I say yeah definitely. So that was groovy of her. The next open mic spoken word is next week. Thinking of reading the virginity story & also the 10-year-old pothead story. Any other suggestions?
Over a sweltering August weekend, I volunteered at an outdoor art fair as an 'artist helper boy.' In effect sitting in their tent when they needed a break. Artists from all over the country. Near zero-foot traffic. Felt bad for them. They pay hundreds to sit in swelter and not sell anything for 3 days. I however took it seriously. Did the afternoon shifts all 3 days in heat of the day. Didn't complain. I showed up on time, mingled with the artists, and yes even bought a groovy painting Sunday afternoon at show close. Artist from San Fran drove it over after, where I display it prominently. Stop me when this gets too exciting.
Oh wait! Here's something from that weekend. I was chatting with several online 'matches' with the birds. Told them I was volunteering & to swing by & say hiya IRL. And lo, 3 did. One was a nutter, as in she never spoke to a male before. Hot though. The other was boring as it gets, she's the one I went to circus with. Already had a spare ticket ergo why not. Beyond boring. But the 3rd! What a cluster she was unraveling from. Freshly divorced to a religous nutcase. She had a nice paying gig with the city. He 'worked' part time in a Christian bookstore. Made minimum wage. Didn't work much. 3 kids, married young, stayed a couple decades. But the kicker is: no lawyers, just mediators. All she wanted was her pension (huge mistake). Ergo, she lost everything, all her assets, including her house. She currently lives in a shitbox rental. But wait, there's more! During the divorce he asks her to buy him a $70,000 car.
And she agrees.
She's making payments on his car and will be for years. In fact she's now in a big debt hole as a result of agreeing to that. Before she told me that part I sort of had sympathy for her. After she told me that? I actually asked her, verbally: 'don't you have any smart people in your life advising you?'
And the answer was: um, I guess I don't. And my sympathy, along with any general interest in her, evaporated at that moment. So it goes.
2 more quickies. That's what she said. In September I finally led a proper group ride as the leader. A 40 miler with stunning mountain views. That's what she said.
Lastly, I hired a landscaper bloke to 'xeriscape' my front yard which had become a weedy mess. As always, stop me when this gets too exciting. The curb appeal factor went from 0 to 60 with this $3,000 project. Worth it!
