Does anyone really need 5 kids?

 



For the last several years, when I see little kids being pushed in strollers or whatnot, I always, without fail, think about their life 50 years from now. Or more to the point, the state of the planet 50 years from now. Also, their price of college tuition, and the utility of a college degree for that matter.

Moving out west from the midwest a few years back I realized I landed in Mormonville. Especially when I go to a big box store, I see the Mormon mom (always mom, never pop) shepherding her brood through the aisles. Always, without fail, multiple kids. How do I know they're Mormon? Ever been to Europe? You can spot the Americans a block away. Same thing. 

Someone here told me the reason Mormons can't stop breeding is because they need 'shells' to merge with the floating vapor Mormon souls whizzing around. Hey, why not. That's no more batshit than any other religious custom out there. But I digress. 

Ok then: for you parents out there who's goal in life is to grow your own basketball team, or if you already have, here's some breaking news. You are directly, completely, responsible, for fucking this planet. Not that you care. As long as you're filling the emptiness in your own life (or filling up vaporous Mormon shells) there is no planet, just your little piece of it. Oh and: unless you were born rich, you will enjoy nonstop financial drainage for a couple decades. Not just in money, but in time, your free time. 

Think of any kid, anywhere in the world, born in the last 10 years. Now picture the hellscape they'll experience as adults, just with climate change. No bible, koran, whatever is going to save them from a few clicks higher on the global thermometer. I'll experience the front end of this, already am, as are you. But we're beyond the 'fixing' point. Just with the Amazon rain forest burning alone, we are screwed. Or, more specifically, today's youth are. You new parents out there are sending them directly into a violent hellscape. 

But hey, being surrounded by adoring mini-me's to fill the void in your own life, must be oh so worth it.