Dateline: most of these are recent; in the last several years. All this year I would occasionally ponder how 6 friends of mine have experienced catastrophic divorces. That's a lot, no? In fact, one of them is starting his divorce trial this month, ergo the beginning of the end of a brutal 2 years for him. Let's focus.
Each of the 6 I know personally; in fact they're all friends of mine to varying degree; some more, some less. I'll start with 3 birds & finish with the 3 blokes. Strap in. That's what she said.
The Green Card
A year ago I met this bird on Tinder. We ran around for a couple months. She has a certain quality that ensures she will always have a boyfriend. Fellas, you know to which I refer. Let's focus. However, her obsession with her divorce, & its subsequent fallout, she brought up constantly. And whenever she did, which was every single time we got together, my mind is on a repeat loop: you married this fucktard. You. Your decision. Worse: you bred. Here's why this one is so damaging & an unbelievably stupid life choice.
She's an American. Somehow she meets an illegal from El Salvador. I never asked how, because that would be me indicating interest in this shit show. He flat out tells her he's an illegal & needs to get married to stay here. She agrees. This part was around 20 years ago. Here's what happened.
Turns out he's a master manipulator, both of her and the legal system. Or maybe he's just a regular manipulator, whatever. But he clearly had a larger plan in mind. So after they're married & living together, she has back-to-back babies. Those kids are now in their late teens. At this point he leverages the VAWA law; the violence against women act. Sounds like a good law, right? However, there's a paragraph in there that protects immigrants from violence. Look it up if of interest; I actually did once. PS she brought up VAWA on our 1st date. To reinforce to you how much she talked about him.
So why does this matter? Because even though he beat her physically & routinely, so frequently he was arrested 4 times, he hired a lawyer who invoked this act and got her kicked out of her own house. Away from her kids. Not just a restraining order. She lost custody of her kids for the entirety of their youth. Moreover, she was forbidden to be with them without supervision. This went on for 15 or so years. The oldest turned 18 this year. Raised by his family; fights at school, constantly suspended. Lucky him having these two for parents.
Meanwhile, whatever money she made as a computer programmer, literally all of it, went to her lawyers to try to secure custody. That went on for years. I went to her place once, just once. Gak. An upstairs attic she stayed in for free. Unfurnished, no bathroom up there, no heating or cooling, basically 2 empty rooms with filthy carpet. She had no money. Also, she was a nutter in other ways. Obsessed with playing poker at casinos. Probably doesn't help her financial situation. She met another fella this year, fortunately for me. Got her out of my life. We sort of kept in touch. She quit her job as a programmer without having another one lined up.
What does she do now? She works in a bakery, at the airport, on the overnight shift.
The Mormon
Born into a Mormon family in Salt Lake City. Hated it. Left the church as a 20 year old or so. Had to get married as an 18 year old Mormon to leave home. That lasted but a couple years.
Then met a young lawyer, and proceed to move constantly around Utah & Idaho. He kept getting fired. But the story here is they had a daughter. She was very close to her daughter. However, when daughter became a young teen, the fucktard hubby began a campaign of parental alienation that resulted in their divorce and total exile from the daughter. The last words spoken by the daughter to the mom was, and I quote "why don't you blow your brains out." Daughter was around 16 at the time. That was around 5 years ago. They haven't spoken since. Mom is crushed. Daughter is in college in Europe. Apparently.
Then, she remarried, in Boise, Idaho, some fucktard named Jim. Her 3rd, his 4th. He had a daughter he spoils so absurdly she is no doubt ruined for life, expecting the world to cater to her. But here's the kicker. The wife (my friend) had to give him all her paychecks. Literally give him all her money from her work. Why? So he could spend it on the daughter. They were married for 5 miserable years. She left him at least once, and came back. I met her a year after their divorce, on Tinder also. We ran around for 3 years, one good, two not so much. Will revisit that separately.
Ergo: 1st husband stole her daughter. 2nd husband stole her money.
Separately, I had another friend in Boise, also met on Tinder, who knew Jim. She hosted a backyard party. Jim was there. Got drunk & angry. Another guy there almost beat his ass before he left. She told me Jim is a drunken fucktard. He married again by the way, his 5th, my friend told me. Didn't last. Weird.
The Self Destructor
The final bird. Didn't meet on Tinder, refreshingly. Rather, met at work, forever ago, strictly platonic. She was hot, as in legit hot. Former NFL cheerleader hot. Looks like this (or used to):
Anyhoots we sort of stayed in touch, maybe every few years we'd chat on the blower. I've only seen her in person once in the last 15 years, and that was 1 year ago. We went to a swanky supper club with live jazz. Afterwards we went to a nearby bar to catch up & chat (she was late to the show as her 'garage door was frozen.')
So at the bar, she has a margarita, tells me about her life, and starts crying. Fun for me. I knew some of it, but not the weirdest part. So she married an older guy, around 20 years ago. Had a daughter, who's now 19. Had a horrible divorce. He's rich but self-employed; ergo on paper he doesn't make much money. Nothing for alimony for child support. She's in sales, apparently not very good at it as she keeps getting sacked. And then, she finds herself on food stamps 2 years ago. Food stamps! Totally, utterly broke. All this I did know about from our occasional chats over the years. Mostly she spent bitching about 'the narcissist' and what an asshole he was during the divorce & custody proceedings. Oh and a separate crying jag about now that her daughter is leaving for college she no longer has any purpose in life. So that was fun for me also.
And every time she mentions that word, which is nearly every conversation, my mind immediately thinks: 'you mean the narcissist that you married.'
But this next part I didn't know about. She had actually remarried 6 years ago. No idea, she didn't mention it to me, however we would go years without chatting. We're more acquaintances than friends obviously. Anyhoots, when she would stop sobbing, she would continue with her story. Her laptop broke so she used his. She checked his email. In it were lots and lots and lots of sex messages.
From other blokes.
Yup, he's a homo. She married a homo. She told me that part wasn't the bad part, it was the lying. Well, neither are optimal. So once again she's devasted & blindsided by her conscious, willing decision to get married. She's not a dumbass teenager, she's a grownup. Isn't getting married supposed to be an important decision? I heard it was. Perhaps some due diligence, or at least patience, is a wise move? What's the rush? Tax benefits?
On to the blokes.
The Custom House in Bend, Oregon
Every been to Bend? If you go, you'll move there. Well, you will if you have a lot of money. As in, a lot. Anyhoots I lived near there recently, which I'll be writing about in the new year. I made a buddy there via our shared fancy stereo gear hobby. Online stereo gear forum connected the dots. When we met, which was 4 years ago he & the missus were living in an apartment for 2 full years whilst their custom home was being built. I never understood why a home would require 2 years to be built.
Until I saw it.
Technically it is a house. What it looks like is a ski chalet. The place is astounding. The living room is soaring 3 story atrium. The view out back is of the mountains. Custom everything. Including his dedicated music listening room. The design was created by an 'acoustician' which is an actual occupation. They are basically architects who specialize in the physics of sound. So how into music is he? His loudspeakers, just the speakers, are $200,000 a pair. They're Wilson XLF if curious. The amplifiers and such are all also insanely expensive. Even the various cables were many thousands of dollars. My own stereo is nice (actually I prefer it more) at about 1/100th the price. Here's an actual pic of his room, showing part of this system. The main speakers are 6 feet tall. The others in the corner are the subwoofers, called 'Thor's Hammer.' Each speaker has it's own amplifier.
So where's the story you wonder? Here 'tis. He's a bigwig account manager for a big software company. Clearly, business is good. I didn't care, I knew him for the music, and he hosted listening gatherings for myself and a few other fanatics each month. Ever listen to a half million dollar stereo? Oh it's quite the experience. Let's focus.
He travels often for his job. Once or twice a month he's gone for the week. 2 years ago he's on one of those trips. Returns to Bend. Walks in the house / chalet. On the kitchen counter is a note: 'I've moved out. We need to initiate divorce proceedings.' Totally blindsided. No idea. She's gone.
Since then? 2 years of misery. His lawyer fees are draining him. He had to sell off pieces of the stereo. Stored the rest. She hired a 'music assessor' who went to their house & reviewed his album collection. He had dozens of vinyl box sets, deluxe, fancy. He went through his entire physical media library, estimated it's value, she's gonna get half of it, or the dollar amount. I guess that's how it works. She dislikes music by the way. She insisted they sell the house. Which he avoided for many months (it was just built. he's living there). But he finally put it on the market and it sold. I didn't ask for how much. I guess I should have looked it up online but never did. No matter.
Oh and, in the midst of this super stressful time of being blindsided, having to sell their custom house they spent their fortune on, bleeding money, splitting up his assets...he got laid off. About 6 months ago. Can't land a gig. Nobody hires a 60 year old software executive. They just don't.
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Blokes 2 & 3 coming soon. That's what she said.