Dateline:1996. So I did a couple years in the employee survey & assessments divisions as an office drone at NCS, they later changed their name to Pearson. Long nasty commute across metro Minneapolis, esp. in the winter. Wasn't doing much of anything there but make friends in and out of work with an intense, successful sales guy, and borderline enemies with a high strung drama rager sales rep named Caroline. One day, the latter called in sick with some drama, same day she was to fly to San Francisco and help Dr. David Campbell, a well-known psychologist (i.e., Strong-Campbell interest inventory) host a seminar, of which NCS was a publisher of his various assessments. So they sent me out there in her stead, the flight was a few hours away. Hurried home, back across the city, packed a satchel, drove all the way back across the city to airport, flew out to SF for a couple days. I sat in back of room whilst David explained his theories. On breaks I offered his books, tapes whatnot for sale. The highlight for me was having lunch with him, 1 on 1. Holding an M.S. in Psych and reading his research in classes, I was jazzed to talk to him. Not many living legends in the Psych world, he was probably at the top.
Back to NCS. An older guy (in his 60s?) briefly on the team named Norman used to come up behind me and rub my shoulders. People witnessed this. He didn't last there long. My adjacent cubicle prisoner was another hyper high strung, 20 years my senior. We got along fine. In hindsight she inspired my 'vegetable lasagna' post elsewhere on this blog. She talked about her hubs daily, mostly complaining. I would describe him as a 'mute lumberjack.' Anyhoots.
There was a smallish, 20 employee research firm in downtown Minneapolis called Gantz-Wiley. I interviewed with the owner's brother Joe. I'd guess he also was around 60. Joe had come onboard recently to 'run' the company as COO. Nobody wanted that and they took their frustration out on me. Why? He made me his own draft pick 'the new guy is gonna be great' role (classic manager mistake). I found that out shortly after arriving, he was actually telling people that. ALL THE TIME. I was disliked before I even started there. And so began the worst 3 months of my professional life.
As they were in the heart of downtown Minneapolis, I decided to bicycle commute. This was 10 miles by bike, about an hour with all the stop signs. I rented an outside bicycle locker. It's like a giant safe. Got the key from a city guy ahead of time, on a trial ride down there. Good route, residential, safe. This was winter btw, maybe fall. It was def cold.
Ok so! Day 1, chose to bike in. Got up early, prepped, rode in, all good. I attached my locker key to my windbreaker loop for safekeeping, put the windbreaker in with the bike god knows why, then shut the locker door which locks automatically. Ergo, just locked the key inside the locker with my bike. Walked to office, checked in, again my 1st day on the job, then had to call the city bike manager somebody who could unlock. Magically, got him on phone, he agreed to meet me at locker at noon to unlock. Great, right? Except! That very day was Joe's (my boss) birthday. At noon in the breakroom the gathering for cake, singing, the usual. And the 'new guy' wasn't there, he was blowing off the boss's bday gala. Super start. An omen, actually.
Early on, first couple weeks, the office manager was passing the hat for Red Cross donations. That very year was a giant Red Cross scandal, the gist of which the donations were going in exec's pockets or golf outings or something. Big national news. The office manager of course is oblivious to this. I made the mistake of telling her about it. Didn't go well. Sidebar - this brief exchange is symbolic of my entire life of alienating others: sharing news or info to someone unaware or unprepared for it. Their takeaway of course is 'new guy has a problem with the Red Cross.' I of course had been donating blood through them prior to working there, but damage done. (ps Red Cross scandal 2021 edition).
I was in the 'back office' with 3 others, we were production, will circle back. Most of the 'big people' i.e., client facing, were in the front office. There was a French person there, who was, literally, unable to edit text on a PowerPoint slide for her presentations. So she would bring the file to one of us on a disc and say something like: 'make this text larger.' It was embarrassing. And frustrating to me, how the fuck could she even work there if you can't do that?
There was a project manager, who must have liked me as we went out for drinks a few times. I made the mistake of telling her my salary, which was prohibited (for good reason I came to learn.). She kept pressing me over & over for it & I finally caved. So, we both were paid shite, but I made $2k more than she did. I also had an M.S. degree, she didn't, but regardless, when I told her this, what did she do? For real: burst into tears, right then & there. She then, of course, shared this convo with others (according to Joe). Guilty on that one. In hindsight: damn good rule.
There was another there, older, 50? some kind of consultant, who was rumored by all to be having affair with the programmer who built the program we used in the back room. Supposedly they hooked up during work hours, word would spread throughout the office when she split for an hour. So weird. Who cares? Rumors. This counted as high drama there, apparently.
There was the owner, who was a stateman: 60s, tall, deep voice, dapper. And, hugely evangelical. Straight as an arrow. Good for longevity. He needed the blinds throughout the entire office precisely the same angle. I recall that, simply as I do that also (they need to point down outside to the street to properly block the summer sun, i.e., 'reversed.'). We didn't interact much, but he was always nice to me when we did. He hosted a big xmas gala at his mansion in the burbs, mandatory. Being new I didn't know what the protocol was: flee to the basement dining tables. Everyone fled when they announced dinner (not kidding, they nearly ran down the stairs). Found out why. I was then stuck at the big table upstairs with all the execs. Oy. After chow an awkward secret santa gift thing. Ah, white people.
Ok, on to the disturbing shit. Gantz-Wiley was in the employee survey business. Ergo, someone thought it a wise to send us staffers their standard job satisfaction survey. A week later we had a gathering, all 20 of us around a table, I remember it vividly. The morale scores were in the crapper, but that's not the story. The story here were the open end comments. Many (most?) of the staff used this section to anonymous & absolutely blast Joe, not just his incompetence (that part was valid) but personal attacks. How do I know this? Because Joe addressed the room. He told all of us how hurtful the comments were; that he was entering therapy as a result; and then he began openly weeping. This is a guy around 60, probably rich, nice suits, who used to run a division of 100s of people prior to his brother hiring him. And this small toxic firm used an anon survey to destroy the owner's brother. Yes, he was a doofus, he was nice to me but he was a socially awkward doofus. Hardly a crime. I felt sad for the guy, and sad for myself maybe for landing at a shithole company like this. But wait, there's more.
In the 'back room' where I worked were 3 others, one guy, a flaky bird, & evil. The flaky bird: I've never met someone so moronic (actually I'm sure I have) who had an M.S. in a tough field (math), or claimed to. Like all airheads she was a loud talker. Really loud. Example: a visibly pregnant staffer walked through the room and she literally shouted: 'Hey girl! You look really pregnant today!' That's an exact shouted quote. Who the fuck shouts that in an office? She would blurt out whack comments, wholly oblivious to surroundings. She didn't like me of course, but we rarely spoke so no matter.
And then there's evil.
There's a handful of people on the planet, maybe 5, that I truly wish would get hit by lightning. Or a bus. Or something big, like an asteroid. She's one of them. She had such an ugly personality. She had been back there forever. Of course. So she lorded over the back room. Queen nightmare. Any other company, anywhere, she would be fired by the end of the week. You know the type. You've worked with them also: been there forever, ugly on the inside, shitty attitude, shitty personal life, but they know the boss or the software system or whatever, so they stay.
The bloke? I dug him, he was normal. Heard he ran away with one of the project managers to her native Florida. Good for him. And her. They both escaped.
3 positive memories. One was a pm, also new so we chatted one day. Within 1 minute one of us said 'is this place as fucked up as I think it is?' We bonded instantly at that moment. She hated it there also as much as me. We would steal away for quick sanity breaks when we could, which was daily.
The second was a bird across the hall, a psych testing company. No idea how I met her but we somehow went to a Lou Reed concert together. We smoked a spliff in my car in the parking ramp pre-show. Walked into a darkened Orpheum theatre high as kites whilst the opener was playing. We found our seats in the dark somehow and within seconds were hypnotized. The opening band was Luna, during their Penthouse album tour. I had never heard of Luna, which is why we were late. Luna to this day remains one of my all time favorite bands. Penthouse is a staggeringly good album. The ditty that mesmerized us was '23 Minutes in Brussels.' I've heard it live now several times, and time stands still. Check it out. I was obsessed with another bird that year which must have been why we didn't go out again. My loss.
The 3rd good thing was an exec there who had the same degree as me although PhD. He was a normal, pleasant, cool human being. My theory is he was plenty aware of the toxicity, as his background was in workplace culture, ergo how could you not feel it, but he had it a lot better being exec level with a separate office room.
Anyhoots, the end finally came after another evil freakout where she (literally) stomped out of the room & complained about me once again to Joe simply for existing. Joe called me into his office, looking defeated, and said 'probably better to move on.' I quickly agreed. Packed up and left. I reckon he wasn't far behind me either.
In hindsight I recall when Joe interviewed me, making reference to tension amongst the staff. I was too young then to understand that minor sounding red flag was the tip of an ugly ice cube. I should have dug deeper but I wanted out of NCS. I walked into a sad, toxic freakshow. For $30k a year btw. Briefly.
I hope by now you appreciate the cinematic irony of a firm dedicating to measuring, & then consulting, on workplace culture issues, who themselves had a broken environment.
Ever had a similar work experience? Where the mission statement is that at odds with the behind the scenes?