Dateline: 2015-16. There's an African store in downtown Winston-Salem, North Carolina called Body and Soul. The store was a few blocks from the groovy loft I lived in for most of my 18 months. I visited there many times, certainly weekly, for many months. Initially to discuss them displaying my big Shona art sculpture by Robert Kwechete as I saw they had small Shona art pieces in the window. Here's mine, Rhino & Calf, 2ft high & 120lbs:
Then to buy bar soap. Then one day to stare up close at the intricate detail in a 4ft Miles Davis painting & a few other original paintings in this jazz series. Next to the painting, in a separate room with view of the register, was a dapper suited elderly gent. He started talking about Miles Davis. How he lived in NYC in the 50s & 60s and saw him play often, in various clubs. This was mind-blowing to me. At the time I was listening to Miles & the major jazz guys often, but not like I am now (part of my daily diet).
He was always there, in a nice suit & hat, cane by his side. I never asked his age, but I assume it was ~90. I would visit the store, sit next to him and listen to him talk, about NYC back then, esp the evolution of jazz. It was the sort of talking I felt like I should be filming or audio recording. It was riveting. Writing this now, I wish I had asked his permission to audio record him on my phone.
I was living there only a couple days when I randomly noticed a documentary on the Oyler House was being shown inside a downtown bar. So I motor into town, park & look in a window & see two KEF Blade stereo speakers, and nearly faint. A high end stereo store in town! I'm a music & stereo gear nut & visited & purchased many tasty items from that store over the next couple years. Let's focus.
Why did I move to NC to begin with? 2 reasons. There's an innovation tech hub in Winston created to support tech startups. Definitely a draw as that's the space I live in. I attended many networking events & presentations. Even gave a well-received presentation there meself at one event (topic=our digital afterlife).
Reason #2. Having been sober for several months & keen to keep it permanent, I decided to go for a life reset. Defined as, a major change of scenery. Get out of my hometown, with its various drinking triggers (winter + Midwest drinking culture = not good). Ergo, boogie out of Minneapolis, the city of weather extremes, violent crime, nasty traffic, mosquitos.
I had remained connected to a surgeon I met on a bike ride years earlier, who happened to live a few blocks from me in MN. She later moved to Winston. We got along fine because she was clever & I had no other interest in her. Rather, we debated various issues and it was a fine friendship. So I moved in with her, for 1 month. Colossal mistake. I knew she was a neurotic loon, complained about everyone & everything. Thought she had mellowed a bit in the years I last saw here (she hadn't). The gist of her approach to the planet is simple:
Q: What's the difference between God & a surgeon?
A: God doesn't think they're a surgeon.
My first couple weeks there we had din with different couples. The first had only one memorable moment. We walked outside after din & I was talking to the bloke. I asked 'this is the whitest town I've ever been to, & I'm from MN. This is the south, yes?' He points his arm 'see that overpass? That's east Winston on the other side. Different world.' Turns out, Winston-Salem, according to census records, remains the most segregated city in the entire USA.
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I discovered an hour long scenic bike ride I did often around midday. Went around a dirt path on a lake, lotsa joggers, etc. Very nice. However, to get there, I had to bike across East Salem for a few miles. And indeed-o, on the other side of the highway that runs north south through Winston, it was, just like that, a different world. In the space of a few blocks, from 100% white to 100% black. Never seen a contrast like that, before or since. Here's the actual route btw, I did it clockwise. The upper part of the route is east side ergo the 'other world':
The 2nd dinner outing was weird start to finish. It was opening night of a swanky downtown bistro. Married couple. I went there hungry, big mistake. We were seated and the 2 ladies talked nonstop for 30 full fucking minutes. Never once looking at the menu. Never once talking to me. Place is packed. Server isn't happy. The wife refuses to order or even view the menu. It's opening night at packed joint and we're basically loitering. The hubs straight across from me has a safety pin through his eyebrow. He stares down at the table, no joke, for the full 30 minutes. Doesn't talk to me. Just stares at the table. Guess she had him well trained. We finally order, eat, and don't leave. So the manager, for real, comes over to our table and tells us they need the table for other diners and we need to go. I'm relieved. The two women said 'Oh ok yeah we should head out' as if it just occurred to them they were in a place of business. We were there for over 2 hours. In hindsight, that's the level of ignorance/rudeness she displayed to me, every day. A normal, considerate person would include the other in the conversation. Especially someone new to town, new to the whole area, etc. You know: make some introductions.
For example, when she administered her daily scolding, for leaving crumbs on the counter or similar crimes against humanity, she would point at the floor in front of her and repeat with increasing volume: 'come here...COME HERE!' Like I was a puppy? A dog? Who talks to people like that? Old maids, apparently. Old, rich, alone. Devoured by cats. Moreover, she found my choice of apparel so disturbing, worthy of denigrating comments. I dress casual but decently, for the record. She insisted on taking me shopping, where she bought me several shirts with single horizontal striping. I tried one on and said 'I look like a special needs student. Forget it.' She didn't shop for me again.
One more example. Strolling downtown I saw this very watch in the pawn shop window. Stopped, stared, walked in and purchased. $75.
Still own it. Still dig it. Still wear it. Anyhoots, when she saw it later that day, she berated me, for 30 nonstop minutes. Because I 'didn't have a job' I had no right to buy myself anything other than, food apparently? The bare life necessities? I'm a grown-up, with my own money, but she couldn't handle that reality, for whatever reason. Yes folks, my $75 art deco watch purchase triggered her and unleashed that day's verbal abuse. Why? Because everything triggered her.
Another fun memory. We took a weekend road trip to Asheville a couple hours away. She acted extra-cunty both days. On the drive back she confessed why. She said, and I quote: 'I wanted to act like you.' Yeah, right. Old, rich, alone, devoured by cats. Her future.
Anyhoots. Rolling the clock back a bit. Put my house in Mpls on the market. I had a funky, groovy bachelor pad. Zero curb appeal. From the street it looked like a one car garage with patio door over it. The house was 2 long stacked shoeboxes. Groovy on the inside though:
One day I'll write about the 12 years I lived in this groovy house, deep in the SW corner of Mpls. Even in a hot sellers market, it took 6 months to sell. It took an oddball like me to buy it, which I did, 5 minutes after walking in for the 1st time. In fact when I bought it, they had just cut the price from 250 to 225 as it hadn't sold in a month on market. 12 years later, it sold for 240. Other houses on that block, all were normal, nearly doubled. Not mine!
Anyhoots. Aware but ignoring multiple red flags re the tenant I was moving into, I made the big move south. First I gave away most of my furniture & kitchenware to a couple opening a sober house for women; met them via nextdoor. Listed my house of course, for the 2nd time (also 2006, didn't sell). I had driven from MN to NC a few months prior, gawdawful drive to do solo. For my final drive south, I decided I couldn't do it solo. Called the fraternity house, asked if anyone wanted to split driving to NC & I'd fly them back. Actually got a taker. He chewed his nails continuously for the 2 day drive, hands all over the wheel and stick shift. I was happy to split driving, not happy he was covering the car in germs. But we made it, and drove him to Charlotte the next morn in the dark & rain for his flight back. Never saw him again. Stop me when this gets too exciting.
We took two out of state trips before I fled her place in ugly drama. One was to SoCal where she gathered with her med school chums annually. I know they were all surprised she actually had a fella with her, she's not relationship material, as they actually knew her. She does not have 'personality-plus' unless you enjoy hearing a millionaire complain about everyone & everything. We did road trip through Joshua Tree park, which is interesting but hardly worth several hours of driving. She was falling asleep at the wheel on the return and refused to let me drive as I wasn't on the rental agreement. I said 'pull over so I can drive for fuck sake. Not worth dying over.' Which she did. Everything was a fucking argument.
The other trip was Europe to go Nordic skiing in the Alps. That would have been a fun trip had it been with anyone else. Example 1: the first morning she blew a gasket because I forgot to bring coffee pods she had assigned me. She was literally yelling & crying, red faced with anger, because 'I can't do just this one thing right!' That was the 1st morning. I'm just looking at her like she's a monkey at the zoo flinging shite and it's gonna be a long fucking week. I thought I was a coffee fan, but apparently I still had room to grow.
Example 2: another scolding because I was about to walk into town with a paper coffee cup. That was another endless trigger for her, and she forbid me to walk outside with a simple paper coffee cup with lid. Doing so would make the town less picturesque, according to her. I'm not making this up. Controlling, immature bullshit.
Back stateside it continued to devolve with her shouting / informing me several times 'I'm telling everyone this was your fault!' I had actually toured apartments weeks earlier which she was aware of & joined me for at least one tour. But her gigantic ego wouldn't let her accept she had failed at something, ergo was always my fault. That was very important to her, maybe the most important actually: never, ever accept blame or any responsibility whatsoever for yet another failed friendship or failed anything. What might people think?
The very last time I heard from her to this day, was months later, via email. I spent a few months running around with a yoga teacher (highly recommended if you get the chance btw). I posted a fun happy pic of my new ladyfriend and I on that famous arched walking bridge in Central Park, NYC as my Facebook cover pic. The surgeon, who was apparently monitoring my activities, sent me a brief, scathing email, referring to the pic. Specifically, the smiling happiness with my new ladyfriend is undeserved 'because you are an unemployed alcoholic.' Classy stuff!
My last night there I had to get away, ergo saw a flick at nearby cinema. A flick called Results. Only mentioning as it's a sleeper indie black comedy you should view. It was June there, hot AF of course, and that morn of my escape, upon starting my car to make many back & forths to a nearby storage unit, the AC made a clunk & stopped working. Super timing. I was lucky though, the storage unit place was nearby, about 5 blocks, two stories, no AC, and I scored a ground floor unit just inside the door. Huge help. The guy that worked there was, I'm guessing 6'4" & way over 300 lbs. Had a neck like my thigh. I was to see many guys like that in NC. And so have you if you visit there. Don't know if it's the 'sweet tea' or the deep fried everything but there are massive dudes in NC. They look like this, no joke, I saw several clones:
