Dateline: this blurb began in late 2022 but continues to grow as I continue to purge the toxic people from my life. Well folks, I've been on a run lately, canceling numerous friendships. Perhaps my low tolerance for emotional weakness has reached new depths. Perhaps this has been an unusual set of coincidences. Perhaps it's me & my short fuse slash irritability (who, me?). I even have another blurb dedicated to me 'breaking up' with other blokes. Let's get started.
3 platonic female friends
Met all via dating app. No love connection but that's still dandy as female friends are valuable & I cherish those I have.
One told me 'you need to learn your love language because women dig that.' And indeed, I do see that mentioned on app profiles here & there. No idea what it is but clearly, it's a chick thing, same as stand up paddleboarding & cooking classes. My (joking) reply to her suggestion: 'if I start reading about love languages it will turn me into a homo.' She knows me and my sense of humor which is partly why we get along. She laughs at my stuff. But me using the word 'homo' was some kind of red line for her. I witnessed firsthand what 'triggered' means.
She went on and on and on and on how offensive that was.
Yawn.
Another showed me pics of her diy home improvement project. We're lunching at an outdoor food court 'pop' which are everywhere in Oregon. Anyhoots, I did not react with the desired level of enthusiasm. Because, wait for it, the crying. Openly. Tears, all of it. Just like that. As if I had done something actually wrong or mean. We're sitting at a public long shared table. People are staring.
The next day on the blower I told her I didn't dig being perceived as a villain for not jumping with joy at home improvement pics. And her literally crying about it was over the top and almost made me feel something on the inside.
Her reply, verbatim: 'don't worry about it, we're done.' Click. Never heard from her again, to this day.
Another. Yet another was ignoring my hey how's it going sms or giving 1-word answers. I eventually sms:
'we done?'
'done with what'
'with our friendship. I can type slower if that helps.'
her reply: middle finger symbol. And I had my answer.
Another. Met on app also & she's out of state, she reached out to me, I replied, why not, bored. We had a pleasant video chat. Later we're sms, I tell her I'm a movie fan, lately documentaries. Her reply: I can't watch documentaries because I'm so sensitive they affect me for days. Um, wtf? I tell her you should try 'My Octopus Teacher' on Netflix, it's a nature doc. In fact in my profile bio, it mentions that movie stating if you're not moved by it you're dead inside. That's how much I dig it.
She replies a couple days later: 'enjoyed chatting with you. Just wanted to share that having that movie as a dating dealbreaker made me feel pressured & uncomfortable. I'm not going to watch it. If that's an issue no problem I understand.'
Yeah. Pressured & uncomfortable, over a nature documentary. Nip that in the bud. Nothing to nip actually. Language.
Another. Worked with her way back in the 90s. Haven't seen her since. Reconnected this year on fb. She starts asking me about the FTX meltdown. I reply why the interest? Her: because I've never studied money or economics my entire life & I thought I should start. Me: what have you been doing the last 3 decades? Something more important than your financial future?
Here's a Ral Dalio vid, watch that, ignore the FTX stuff it's not where to start. Her: no reply. Guess that's another click.
Another. Let's see...who else. Earlier this year my 1st little bro, now in his 30s, came very close to being canceled. He's a born again Christian & had never pushed that bronze age bullshit in my direction. But for some reason he decided to, over painfully long emails, explaining how deductive reasoning proves God exists or some such. Pages of this. Pages. He later apologized when he realized he didn't just cross the line he erased it. Presumably he'll muzzle that shite with me into the future (he did, we're fine now). Winter 2024 update: he didn't.
Another. This one happened in May 2024, just last month. I'm currently ensconced in the north woods near Canadian border whilst waiting for Oregon house to sell. Small town of 2,000. Noticed a flyer for a 2 month long, weekly yoga class at the community center a mile away. Amazing! I restarted yoga in Oregon last year. So at my 1st sesh there's only 5 students, we're making intros, I chat about my move back to middle America. Anyhoots two are a pair of sisters. Blond & brunette. The blond is oddly hot. Oddly, as I'm living in uglytown up here. She's hot top to bottom. During class finally get a glimpse of her hand: ring free. Hmmm. Window of opportunity.
After class her (married) sister is talking to the front desk person, and blonde is just standing there. I chat her up. Actually ask her if she has lunch plans tomorrow. She says nay. I invite her to join, she says aye. Groovy! So we meet next day at local java joint, the only one in town. And proceed to gab for 2 solid hours. She's great. We're great. We'll call her Kay. Kay is def digging me and the reverse applies. Plus, she's banging hot. And my age. Divorced a few years ago to some local idjit, wasted half her life with him, the usual story. We finally finish yapping, hug & split.
The next day I'm heading down to Gotham which I mentioned to Kay. She sms the next morning 'wanna grab lunch on your way out?' I reply groovy! She digs me! So we meet and again gab nonstop for an hour. Totally dialed in.
Until. She pops the question.
No, she didn't ask to marry me. What did she ask? Have you guessed yet? Any guesses? She asked: 'are you religious?'
Oh fer fuck sake. There it is. She's got the brain virus. I replied truthfully 'nay it's not for me. Is that a problem for you?' And her face fell and she quietly said 'it is. I'm going to have to think hard about this. I replied 'well I hope you think hard because you're great and I'm hoping we can have a friendship.'
But...that was it. I thought the jebus hung out with all kinds but because she actually dug me... We got up to go. She hugged me hard, and we walked out, and that was it. At the next yoga class she waved to me, I waved back, but that was it. Over before it started.
Anyhoots Kathy was ghosting me since we met for a quick & fun chat in a diner November 2023. I've seen her once in the last 10 years prior for a lunch. Always friendly and chatty. Claims to be super busy but that's really just shite time management. But, good visits. I was texting her every few weeks the last few months. No reply. Finally last week I sent 'are you still kicking or just ghosting me?' Last night Kathy actually replied! With this:
Hi. My boyfriend reads the texts on my phone and isn't happy you keep texting me. I have to explain to him this is a non-issue. I don't mind him reading my texts.
I'm looking at this thinking what the fuck? First off: he's reading your texts? 2nd: you're ok with that? 3rd, my texts are of the innocent 'how's it going' variety. I replied back with the above observations also mentioning that's a classic early symptom of an abusive relationship, the controlling aspect. She replied back, repeating what she said, not understanding the red flag personality. I replied no problem I'll delete your contact info and you do the same so he doesn't have mine when he's examining your contacts list.
This is a generally smart person who's getting into an argument with some guy over me? I've seen her twice in 10 or more years and went years without any contact. So much for reaching out to say hiya to former friend & colleague. Another domino.
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Can I pick em or can I pick em?